Day 3. I am feeling terrible. Not only am I still tired and having kidney area pain but now I have developed a new pain. Ass cramps. Don’t ask me why. My doctor seems to think it is endometriosis that has spread and bound to my colon and is causing spasms there. Lovely. Makes me want a drink more than ever. It also makes the idea of driving 2.5 hours to and from the spa in Mooresville sound like a really bad idea.
When I pick up the morning paper, I see the obituary about an acquaintance who died. I scan the article for clues about what might have happened and finally see what I am looking for – that all memorial donations are requested for Fellowship Hall (www.fellowshiphall.com) – a local drug and alcohol rehab treatment center. I still don’t know what happened to him but it seems a bit more clear that drugs and/or alcohol had something to do with his seemingly early passing. It makes me sad to read this but yet again affirms my choice to stop drinking for the moment.
Yet despite this assurance that I am doing the right thing, add an invitation to join some of our heaviest drinking friends for dinner and I feel like having a melt-down. My kidneys hurt; my ass hurts; I REALLY want a drink but am determined to stay strong. So instead of going over, I take a 3 hour nap and ignore texts from my husband to come join him there. He stays at their house for dinner. When I wake up have a bowl of cereal for dinner – and some more chocolate. Then I wake up at 3 AM because Dave is snoring so loud and I can’t get him to stop. This happens when he drinks too much as well as when he is really tired. I get up and work at my computer from 3 to 8 before going back to bed for a while.